The difference between “can’t” and “won’t”.
Last week I wrote a post about Motivation, Opportunity, and Ability, and their impact on your success as an individual in several aspects of life. I had a great, more in depth discussion with my friend Derek in the podcast as well, so be sure to check it out if you haven’t.
A lot of the segment was spent explaining why I thought motivation was so important, but I still want to spend more time really digging into it. To me it’s just that important.
A lot of hopes and dreams aren’t accomplished simply because they’re never started. Think about how many great ideas you’ve thought about doing vs. how many you’ve actually attempted. Think about all of those bucket list items, skills you would like to develop, and projects you always keep telling yourself you’re going to do.
When you talk about these things, you’ll find that an inappriopriate word slips into the conversation: “can’t”. Maybe these sentences will sound familiar:
“I can’t do it because I don’t have enough time.”
“I can’t do it because I’m not smart enough / skilled enough.”
“I can’t do it because no one will help me.”
“I can’t do it because I don’t know where to begin.”
Yours Truly
Sound familiar? Just to be transparent, this post is just as much for me as it is for you. These are all things I’ve told myself at one point in time, and they all have something in common: they are temporary circumstances. You’ll notice that I called “can’t” an inappropriate word. Why? Because it’s not an accurate description of the problem, and it hides the truth of why you’re not starting. We’re doomed to never start working on the most important things in our life because we didn’t use the right word to describe the problem.
You aren’t failing to start because you can’t do it. You’re failing to start because you won’t do it.
Before you get annoyed with me for using some hand wavey, nuanced speech to waste your time, just give me a minute to explain further. Can’t literally means “unable to” or “not possible”. This generally is not the case. This sentences above are correct, but are not honest. The truth is that you can get around those hurdles, but you won’t. This is not an issue of capability, but an issue of will, and guess what will is tied to? You guessed it, motivation.
So here is the question I will ask in response to the above questions: Are you motivated enough to start working on what’s important to you anyway?
- Are you motivated enough to find time for your goals?
- Are you motivated enough to develop and learn the skills needed?
- Are you motivated enough to find the help, even though it requires vulnerability and persistence?
- Are you motivated enough to start somewhere, even if it means you’ll have to fix some things later? Chances are you’ll get a few things wrong, but you’ll also probably get quite a bit right and learn a lot. Best of all, you’re making progress.
I know that this doesn’t answer all of the questions or solve all of the problems that are keeping some of us from doing what’s most important to us, but for a lot of us it’s a great start. In those moments where we’re having a difficult time getting something under way, maybe we can kick start things with a few of these ideas:
-
Don’t have enough time? Drop something less important from your schedule. I know you’re going to say that you can’t, but almost everyone absolutely can. We actually have a tendency to hold on to things we don’t need simply because we’re afraid to lose someting. The truth is, a lot of things that occupy our time can wait. You can usually get back to them later once the more important work is done.
-
Not smart enough? Probably not true. For most of you I’ll bet money that I can find someone dumber than you doing whatever it is that you’re afraid to start doing. Not skilled enough? Skills can be learned. The real question is are you motivated enough to learn them? If things just simply aren’t in the cards for you, maybe you’ve become too focused on one unique opportunity to see all of the awesome, related opportunities that you’d actually be a great fit for? Go hangout with someone who does what you want to do and see what you find.
-
Need help? Find help, and be bold about it. There are people like me that are bored and looking to help people start working on their ideas. There are bootcamps, mentorship programs, and professors that will answer questions without you taking a class from them. Be bold enough to ask to shadow a professional that does what you’re interested in. Be brave enough to email the random person on the internet that has the knowledge and insight that you need.
-
Don’t know where to begin? Email me. If I can’t help, email someone else. It doesn’t cost you anything but a few minutes of your time, and even the busiest people I know have a few minutes to ask a few questions via email. After that, step up your game and take someone out for lunch or coffee to pick their brain. You just have to be brave enough to try. Google has all of the knowledge in the world, once you know where to begin you’ll be able to make more progress than you would initially believe.